July 13th, 2020
As a couples counsellor specializing in premarital counselling, I love talking about relationship resources and tools.
I was recently a guest on Dr. Talia’s podcast, called The Good Mood Podcast. We spoke about various topics on relationships, and that inspired this relationship series vlog. So in the coming weeks, I will be doing videos on key topics in relationships, including:
1/ Communication (Prep-Enrich)
2/ Conflict Resolution (Prep-Enrich)
3/ Intimacy and keeping the love alive (Esther Perel)
4/ Boundaries (Cloud and Townsend)
5/ Adult Attachment (Susan Johnson)
6/ Love Languages (Gary Chapman)
7/ How to manage the inevitable struggles in a relationship (John Gottman)
In this vlog, I will share my favourite communication exercise that I do with my couples – Active Listening. It is part of the Prep-Enrich program that I use with my premarital couples.
To see my vlog, click here:
This is how I use this exercise with my couples:
1/ make sure each of you have a piece of paper and pen
2/ write down three things that you want more of or less of in your relationship
3/ take turns sharing each of your three items
4/ when sharing, make sure that you have a quiet space free of distractions. Tv is off, phones on silent.
5/ share without interruption
6/ the speaker talks as long as they need to in order to share their point
7/ be tuned into what the speaker is saying, be respectful, be engaged
8/ the speaker can use “I statements”, such as “I would feel loved and nurtured if we had more quality time together”
9/ when the speaker has finished sharing their point, the listener feeds back what they heard the person say. For example, “So what I heard you saying was that you would appreciate more time together. If we did that, you would feel good, more loved and nurtured.”
10/ check in with the speaker – “did I hear that right?”. The speaker can then say that yes they were accurate in their summary, or no they missed one part, or no they misunderstood and so then to explain the point again
Hope this was helpful. Let me know if there are any other relationship videos that might be useful to you.